So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it's like iHOP with fire
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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