What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
