He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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