apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
