I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
id be glad to
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
