well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
