hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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