Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
