is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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