I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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