why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
As shirtless as possible
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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