a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
