I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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