i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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