woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't deserve a penis
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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