i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
