i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
