what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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