he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
