Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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