insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
