i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
