At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
