I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
