Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
