Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
