Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
