I am puke
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
