Old men and throwing up are my life now.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just gargled with NyQuil
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
