it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
