(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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