for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
