Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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