the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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