We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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