just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
