Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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