I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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