He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
