You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
this hospital has no fireball
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
