I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
