my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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