When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just had sex on a roof
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
