summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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