this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
