i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
