I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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