I wish I only lived at night.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
