She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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