it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
