So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
