Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So vagazzling was a success
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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