is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
