I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
