Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
