Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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