Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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