we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
