I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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